if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
