I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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