To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize