the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
