Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
