Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize
