I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
