There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
