Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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