i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
