Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
