just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
