I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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