i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
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He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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