actually, I'm a sock model
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
