Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
