How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
