Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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