every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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