lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
