I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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