it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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