guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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