I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
