Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
