I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
