I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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