it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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