Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
birth control should be required to get into college
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex