I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
