Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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