tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
