i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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