Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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