I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
