I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
