so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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