Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
