We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
