I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
