if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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