I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
