There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
