I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
