i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
