You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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