I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
