rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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