bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
