Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
