Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
