He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
