He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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