Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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