Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
