So drunk its hurt
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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