Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
