He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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