its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
