you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
