So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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