In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
