I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
