Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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