my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
