Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
