Only a mothe r could love this liver
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
