mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
