i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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