If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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