yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
