Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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