It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
