I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
