the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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