Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
