god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
