I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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